The thing that makes internet dating wonderful for both men and women is the same thing that makes it tricky. And that thing is the safety and atomicity of it all. When you are using dating site and you find someone interesting and start a series of email or meet by IM or chat room, you have that sensation that something big is getting started at welovedates.com.
But at the same time, you know they do not know you at all and cannot find you or harass you until you finally give that personal information out. So you keep that wall of invisibility up between you and the man or woman you are flirting with. It is amazing the intimacy of flirtation and even sexual chat that will occur while that wall remains firmly in place.
Sadly, that ability to just pull out at any time creates some opportunities for what is at best rudeness and at worst, a situation where you can genuinely hurt someone’s emotions. To avoid being guilty of that behavior, some attitudes have to be kept in check when involved at the cyber level with someone who might become a flesh and blood romantic interest.
- This is a real person. It is so easy in a chat or IM setting to not see that you are dealing with a real human being on the other end. So often we think that the person on the other end may be a fabrication, something that someone is performing as so often happens in cyberspace. Do not assume that. If he or she is being totally open and honest with you, they are taking some emotional risks with you. Treat that trust with care and kindness. This may be your future spouse you are chatting with here.
- The rules still apply. I am talking about the rules of courteous human conduct. Be honest with the object of your interest about which you are, where you are, what your situation is, you interests and any restrictions that should be considered when you begin planning a date.
- Have some integrity. Whenever you have to bow out of a meeting or you get questions or inquiries from potential dates, treat those people with some respect. If you get a query for a possible date, answer it and do not use a form letter response. If you have to decline a meeting or date, do so with tact and kindness sparing the girl or guy any embarrassment or feelings.
The senior dating have an old concept of giving someone faces. That means make sure the other person walks away from their time with you with their dignity in place and grieve them an opportunity to bow out with self-respect. You may not see the immediate results of showing that kindness to someone but it will result in quality relationships across the board for you so learn how to give face to your break ups or when declining a date.
When the relationship goes to the level of a meeting or dating, use the same rules of courtesy and civility. Never just stand someone up for a date other than an emergency or no other way to avoid that happening. If you are not going to make the date, call or email them and explain it to them so they know you didn’t just insult them.
If you have a date but the future is not right to go on, convert the relationship to a friendship. Call him or her and keep them feeling good about what you shared even though the romance is not going to go forward. Just remember, she might have a friend, he might have a cousin so keep strong friendships with the people you socialize with romantically and it will build a good network for future relationships.